The headline from The Orlando Sentinel reads: SEX OFFENDER ACCUSED OF LEWD PUNCHING AT DISNEY’S TYPHOON LAGOON. That pretty much says it all, but you can check out the lurid details here.
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that the wave pool at Typhoon Lagoon qualifies as “most likely place to be molested in Walt Disney World”. It seems like every month some pervert is caught touching kids there. A quick Google search reveals plenty of these stories, including here, here, and here. Funny thing is, you never read about molestations at Blizzard Beach….
Look, I understand how water parks get people all riled up and horny. I myself have stood at the bottom of the Humunga Kowabunga, waiting for women to lose their bikini tops.
This kid is waiting to see boobs
And I’ll even cop to staring at the barely-covered asses of hot girls who might possibly be jailbait. But I DON’T TOUCH THEM! At no time at the water parks do any of my appendages come anywhere near the boobs or asses of anyone other than my wife. And you know, somehow 99% of the population is also able to keep their hands to themselves, too, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that when you bring your kid to Typhoon Lagoon, their ass will not be groped.
Jailbait? You can look but DON'T TOUCH!
So, knowing that potential molesters will likely hit this post while searching for perverted things in Google, let me speak directly to them, as a public service announcement:
Dear perverts and potential Typhoon Lagoon molesters,
1. DON’T TOUCH KIDS!
2. And this is key, THESE PEOPLE ARE ON VACATION AT THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! It’s bad enough molesting kids at Wet and Wild or Aquatica, but this is Disney World! These kids’ parents have probably saved for years for a vacation of a lifetime, and instead of a hug from Mickey their kids get ass-grabbed by some creepy fat guy? NOT COOL!
That is all perverts. Enjoy the rest of your day.
P.S. DON’T TOUCH KIDS!!!
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